Day #24: Bonding Experiences

   I realize it has been a little while since I last wrote. The reason, or my excuse, is because I have started watching One Tree Hill again and have become absolutely obsessed... again. It's sad, I know, that I am obsessed with an American tv show while I'm in France, but I really can't help myself. However, I haven't watched an episode since Friday night, so I would say I'm doing pretty good. Apart from reuniting with my favorite show, last week was still pretty good. I heard a guest speaker talk about the Arabian Spring Wednesday, and went on a picnic with the French Honors Program on Thursday.

   On Friday, since I don't have any classes, I was able to spend the day hiking with a group of 10 others IAUers. The initial intention was to hike St. Victoire, but unfortunately we went the wrong way on the trail, which led us around the opposite side of a reservoir. Sure, I wanted to hike the mountain, but I'm really glad we got lost. We ended up staking down on some rocks by the water and ate a picnic which consisted mainly of bread, cheese, and wine, among a few other things. It was amazing. The beauty of God's creation is breath-taking. The evergreens and the clearness of the sky slightly reminded me of my dear New Mexico. But the water was a different story. I though the Mediterranean was blue, but it doesn't even compare. I think God did a pretty good job making this world, from what I've seen. ;) To add to the beauty of the place, I was surrounded by good company, which always makes everything seem better. I really enjoyed getting to know everyone a little more. Mackenzie and I took a dip in the water (of course), as we did in Cannes. Being the adrenalin junky that I am, I had to make the frigid 15ft. plunge from the rocks, as Mackenzie eased in at the bank. We decided that we're going to see how many random places we can swim in our underwear over the course of the semester. Later that evening, after everyone washed up from the hike, and ate dinner at their various host homes, we all reunited to chill and sip cheap wine on the steps of the Grand Theatre.

Me and Martin

 Picnic!

Me and Mackenzie

The group :]

   My host family left on Friday night to camp for the weekend, leaving me alone in the house. Marion kept telling me over and over again that I could have a couple friends over for dinner and a movie, so I decided to take her up on that offer. On Saturday, I invited about seven people to come cook dinner with me, but only four came. As it turns out, four was just perfect. We made pasta with olive oil, sun-dried tomatoes, olives, and a bunch of random French spices all mixed together. And of course you can't forget the salad, cheese, bread, and wine. After dinner, I brewed up some coffee. So there we were, sipping coffee, listening to music, making great conversation, and having many a great laughs. I couldn't help but be reminded of that summer in New Mexico. But great times we had there. I'm so thankful that I can make the same kind of precious memories in France, with the people here. God is good!

   Sunday I was able to step my French speaking skills up a notch when I went to church with Martin, and then to a church picnic afterwards. The thing about the French, is that they don't just eat and pack up and leave. Oh no. They will sit and talk for hours, and I mean hours after a meal. We left just after 2pm, and they were still goin' strong. But it was really good. Sunday evening, we went to ICCP which is the American church in Aix. It was nice to understand everything the preacher was saying, and be able to sing all the songs. Unfortunately, I was dozing off for half the message, as my stomach digested the big lunch we had eaten just hours before. I'm hoping to get plugged into ICCP; maybe help out with the youth and kids ministry? I'm not sure yet. It's definitely something to pray about this week.

   At church I was expecting to be overwhelmed with relief a the fact that I was at church. However, I really wasn't. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the corporate worship and being surrounded by other Believers, but it struck me that I didn't need to be there in order to get my "God fix". He has been so gracious by revealing Himself to me everyday as I sit alone reading His Word or even just walking down the street listening to my ipod. I am overwhelmed, not by His presence in the church building, but by His presence in my daily life. He is drowning me in peace about being here and away from the work He's doing at school. My heart rejoices with my new brothers and sisters that are being added to the Kingdom everyday, but at the same time, I know I am to be here, in Aix, with these people. I do not know how He will use me, or if I will ever know, but I trust that there is purpose. All I know is that I am falling madly and deeply in love with Jesus Christ. He is the only source of my joy, my peace. It's funny because the past couple days, I have been struggling with things that I've never been fully healed from; things that, when they rise up in my heart, consume my every thought and emotion, dampening and burdening my spirit. But the funny part is, this time is so different. The struggles are the same, and they hurt just as bad, but I am not consumed by them. I am consumed by my Lord. I feel closer to Him than I've ever felt before, and for the first time, I can see that He is bigger. I know not how to boast in this weakness, or how He could possibly glorify Himself through it. But I will believe...

You are strong enough in my weakness
God be lifted up, and I will sing
Lift Your praises high
Lord, be magnified
You make all thing new
I will believe...

   Before I peace out, I forgot to tell you about today! For the French Honors Program, instead of seminar, we went to a chocolate store/factory and got to try out some fresh goodies. I love that I can say that's what I did in class today. :]

   Continuing to pray for boldness to live and proclaim the Gospel. Strength to rest in God's reassuring love and affirmation. Healing from lies of the enemy that have crippled areas of my heart. And love and passion for those who need my Lord...

Therefore, they are before the throne of  God, and serve Him day and night in His temple; and He who sits on the throne will shelter them with His presence... (Revelation 7:15)


And then they will see the Son of Man coming in the clouds with great power and glory. (27)And then He will send out the angels and gather His elect from the four winds, from the ends of the earth to the ends of heaven. (31)Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away. (Mark 13:26-27,31)


Peace and Love,
-B

Pictures from Port Grimaud

The view of the Port from my bedroom window :)

Spent a couple hours of the beach with Chloe and Robin on Saturday afternoon.

Picnic with the Panthots: Avocado, cream cheese, swiss cheese, lettuce, butter, and ham on bread.

Chloe posing on the little lighthouse.

Documented: my favorite meal thus far (Green soup, veggie pizza, red wine.) 

Day #16: First Signs of Fall

   I told myself I would wait to write another post until after I finished my homework, but I just couldn't do it. As the wind powerfully blows outside my window, and Ray LaMontagne softly sings to me from the speakers of my computer, there is a rupture of contemplation that makes my hands itch to write, making it quite impossible to do anything productive. So in short, I gave in; homework will have to wait for a later hour, or maybe even tomorrow.

   This weekend was physically relaxing, but mentally and spiritually draining. For the first time since I arrived here, I was completely and totally English-less, and heard and spoke only French for two whole days when I spent Saturday and Sunday at Port Grimaud with ma famille-d'acceil. Saturday I barely said a word as I was locked up in my mental box and couldn't speak French to save my life. I don't know what it is, but something is continually holding me back. I know I'm better than how I have been speaking, and how little I've been speaking. I finally reached a point Saturday night where I was so discouraged, I excused myself for half an hour before dinner and beseeched my  Lord. More with each day, I'm finding I can do absolutely nothing without Him, not even speak French! After dinner, they sat me down and taught me how to play Tarot, a French card game that is similar to our Spades. Luckily, Spades is my specialty when it comes down to games that I know how to play, so I was able to pick up on Tarot pretty quickly. Well, I say pretty quickly, but they probably thought otherwise.

   Sunday went a lot better, in as I was able to speak a little more, and felt a little less awkward. It also started out on a much better foot. I was first awakened by a loud crack of thunder, and the sound of rain pouring on the balcony just outside my open windows. As I laid there, listening to the storm, I was overwhelmed with peace. I thought about how even the skies, the seas, and all of creation cries out praises to the Almighty God, when man won't even acknowledge His existence. Here, in this dry, dark country, God is still making His name and glory known. Later, after breakfast, I walked around the vender market with Marion and Jean-Paul, then went on a boat tour around the Port with Marion, Chloe and her boyfriend Robin. It was beautiful. The cloudy skies, and chilly breeze added to the beauty of the dark water and made the colors of the houses lining the port seem brighter. It was so peaceful and tranquil; very therapeutic, in my opinion. For lunch, we had a picnic of bread, ham, avocados, lettuce, cream cheese, and swiss cheese. I understand it sounds odd, but it was absolutely delicious. After lunch, we packed up and headed back to Aix. I rode alone with Jean-Paul, and Marion drove Chloe and Robin so she could to Robin to the bus station. Jean-Paul and I had a fairly silent ride, for I was struggling against an on-coming migraine, so slept for about 30 or 45 minutes. When I was awake, and my headache eased, I built up the nerve to start asking questions: small talk. In case you were wondering, the French aren't much for small talk, so the conversation was pretty short-lived. After we got back to Aix, we went to some friends' house for dinner. We had wine, home-made pizza, bread and cheese, green soup, and some other small appetizers. It may have been my favorite meal thus far. Absolutely delicious. God is good. Not only did He bless me with an amazing meal, but He also gave me the ability and strength to, for the most part, stay caught up with the "adult" conversations. I was able to understand each topic, and respond when spoken to or asked questions. So maybe my French is starting to get a little better?

   Today started the third week of classes. Time is so weird here. I feel like I've been gone much longer then just two weeks, but then again, I don't feel like I should be that far into classes. How strange life is! Once again, I am astounded by the beauty of my Lord. Every day I see Him more and more. Before, when I was at home, He poured into me mainly through the people around me, my community. But now, here, I have no community, so He keeps pouring into my heart directly from His. The past few days, though I've had my moments of weakness, I have been submerged in love for Him. I am so peaceful to the very core of my being. Today, as I walked to class, I was listening to the Passion 2011 album on my ipod, and I had to do everything I could from skipping down the street, weeping, laughing, and singing all at the same time. I am overwhelmed with joy in my inner spirit. I am taken so aback because this is no typical "spiritual high", for I haven't been to any huge, emotional worship services lately. It is simply God the Father, lavishing His daughter in love. How beautiful He is! I know this entry is so "churchy" and cliche, but I can't contain the joy that I have. I must get it out in some way!So be encouraged, wherever and whoever you are. God is good, so good, and He longs to pour out His love and grace on you. Rest in Him. And be no discouraged if you can't see Him or feel Him with you... He's there. He never leaves... Grasp onto that, and never stop trusting and hoping in it.

My God, you are here with us,
Constantly here with us.
You are our Everything,
Faithful and true...

Then one of the elders addressed me, saying, "Who are these, clothed in white robes, and from where do they come?" (14)I said to him, "Sir, you know." And he said to me, "These are the ones coming out of the great tribulation. They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. (15)Therefore they are before the throne of God, and serve Him day and night in His temple; and He who site on the throne will shelter them with his presence. (18)They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them nor any scorching heat. (17)For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their Shepherd, and He will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from the eyes." 


Worthy is the Lamb that was slain....


Until next time,

-B

Day#12: "I am Switzerland"

   For any Twilight fans out there, I'm sure you recognize the Bella-quote in the title to this post. Yes, I am a nerd, and yes, I am definitely looking forward to the premier of Breaking Dawn this fall. Anyway, that is way beside the point. The fact is, I have never felt more like the mutual Swiss grounds than I have this week. Yesterday my housemate pulled me aside to tell me that she was moving out to live with a a single "host-mom". Clio, bless her heart, has had a pretty rough week. Between getting bedbugs, being allergic to the bites, having to wash every article of clothing in her room, and coming down with a cold, I absolutely understand her needing to start a fresh. But of course, Marion, our host-mother, was quite offended that she wanted to leave. So here I am in the middle, seeing and understanding both sides of the argument and trying to be supportive of both. Clio needed me for moral support when she was talking to Marion and Jean-Paul, but then I had to make sure they didn't think I was siding with her and that I'm still perfectly fine living here.

   The truth of the matter is, though I'm sad to see Clio go, I know it will be better for me because I will be forced to speak more French. While she was living here, though my host-family speaks French, I was still surrounded by English between Clio and the rest of the students at the Institute. I am so determined to immerse myself in the language and culture as much as I can. This new-found determination is forcing me to be more intentional about it with each day. So maybe I will actually be somewhat close to fluency by the time I must return to the States. I don't think I have ever been this willing to work so hard for something. I'm so scared of loosing it when I leave here. But I'm not worrying about that right now. I'll deal with it when the time comes. 

   Tomorrow I leave for... well, I don't really know exactly where it is... with my host family. I think, from what I could understand, we're staying the weekend at their friends' beach house...? It was in French, so I understood just the gist of what they were telling me. Wherever we're headed, it should be pretty fun. Now that Clio isn't coming anymore, it's up to me to open up and start speaking that French. I'm excited because I feel like this will help me get closer to the family. I'm especially excited to get to know Chloe better. Chloe is my 15-year-old host-sister. This week I've been slowly getting to know her more and more. She is no different than every other 15-year-old in America (a.k.a. dramatic). She is playful and a little mischievous. She often pokes and prods, and does things that she knows will make me laugh. I want to play back, but unfortunately my language skills aren't quite there yet. I'm hoping that the more my French improves, the closer she and I will get. 

   Though it hasn't been a super eventful week here in Aix, my dear Rome, Ga, has been exploding with news. God is moving and workings in huge and unexpected ways at Shorter University. Lives are being changed, souls saved. The Believers there are making war with the forces of the enemy, and through our Lord, there is victory. God is good. God is merciful. Jesus saves. He has already won the war. All glory be His beautiful Name! I have been so filled with emotion by the things I am hearing. I rejoice with those who have put their faith in the Lord, but my heart aches to be there. I feel like I'm missing out on everything. I was afraid of that. My first instinct is to be discouraged because while great things are happening in Rome, and God is using my brothers and sisters to further His Kingdom, I feel useless here. I'm so hungry to see mountains moved, ocean floors dry, chains broken. Oh, how impatient I am. For I have been here only two weeks. However, I know that three months will past quickly, too quickly. My heart longs to see the fruit of my labor here, but maybe that is not my role. Maybe I am just the sower, and the harvest will come after I depart. The question is, will I be content with center stage being the role of another? Will I be satisfied to play the background in the this Divine Drama?

   Continuing to pray for boldness to speak out, and unconditional love to pour into the people surrounding me. Rejoicing with the angels in Heaven at the adoption of two new brothers: Kyle Stonecipher and Sean Avery Malloy. 

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, (5)even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ -- by grace you have been saved -- (6)and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, (7)so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace and kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. (8)For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, (9)not a result of works, so that no one may boast. (10)For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:4-10)

Grace and peace with with you!

-B

Day #8: A Weekend in Paradise

   I've heard it said that Nice is the most beautiful place in the world. Well, after running all over the city yesterday, I would have to say that as far as the natural beauty of the landscape and ocean, that judgment isn't too far off. But then again, I haven't been everywhere in the world, so my observation is a bit irrelevant. I went to Nice on a weekend excursion with IAU. We spent the day there yesterday, then we to Monaco last night, and Cannes all day today. I loved Nice, but it was a little too touristy for me. I think I need to spend more than a few hours there to really appreciate it. However, I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the historic part of the city. Mackenzie, Andy and I (two friends from class) bought lunch in the market, then headed up to the chateau on the mountain for picnic. It wasn't exactly one chateau, but more like the grounds or estate of one. The view was incredible. One can see all of Nice and the Mediterranean. After lunch, we took a few pictures on the beach, then went on a walking tour with a couple of the leaders of the our group.

   Monaco blew my mind. As the world tax haven, every building and street sets the atmosphere for the ritziest city imaginable. Though the casino, Monte Carlos, is the main attraction, I was more so intrigued by the city itself. I felt as though I had stepped into a Disney kingdom, and halfway expected to see Cinderella drive by in her pumpkin carriage. I wonder what everyday life is like there. After Monaco, we stayed the night at a youth hostile about 15 minutes away from Nice. We all loaded up bright and early and headed for Cannes.

   Cannes, another city on the coast, battles heavily with Nice for my affection. It's not as glamorous or clean as Nice is, but there is something about this city that draws me in and identifies with me more. It is beautiful and rugged, but at the same time, many movie stars and celebrities have been known to go there. I'm really bummed because my camera died Saturday night, so I wasn't able to get any pictures here (see facebook for pictures!). The time we had in Cannes was much more relaxed than in Nice, and we had more time to kill. We walked up to the old chateau (for every French town has at least one!) and went through the museum. Then we went to the market there, bought lunch stuff, and headed to the beach. We found some nice big rocks wear we settled down to eat the traditional cheese, baguette, and fruit lunch. I'm not really sure why, but we had decided that we weren't going to swim, so we didn't bring our bathing suits with us. Well. That was a mistake! The water of the Mediterranean it too blue and perfect to not take a dip! So we (me being the instigator) stripped off our cloths and made the plunge. Aah... magnifique. Seeing as how many women were topless, and men wearing speedos, I figured our bras and panties was no public disturbance. This experience definitely qualifies as a high light of my first week overseas.

   The other high light of my first week would be Friday night when I found a church! I haven't been able to go yet, but I'm planning on it next Sunday. The Institute had this orientation thing where a bunch of organizations and clubs came and gave everyone information about things to do here in Aix. There was this young guy and girl, probably in their 20's, who shared about ICCP which is a Christian gathering that meets every Sunday evening. They both seemed really nice and welcoming. I almost choked up when I went to introduce myself, because I saw three other students there too. I was overwhelmed with relief and thankfullness that I'm not alone here. So, as far as I know, there are two other Believers here at the Institute. Parfait! God is good. He always provides, always watches, always care. I am humbled by how He continually provides for me, even when I doubt Him to no end. God is good. Never forget.

   Another discovery I made this weekend: though it is still hard to relate to the people here, I'm finding it easier to be myself. My Lord instills boldness in me little by little each day, so I am constantly progressing. Sometimes I find myself trying not to draw attention to myself, or avoiding certain topics so that I won't have to tell anyone that I'm a Christian, for fear of conflict, or them thinking I'm like one of "those" Christians. But the more I cower away, the more I am lovingly convicted. This weekend, I roomed with Mackenzie and Andy, two girls who I tend to spend a lot of time with during the week. I realized today that the more I hang out with them, the more I enjoy their company, and the more I am comfortable around them. I haven't had a really good laugh since I've been here, but something tells me when it happens, it will be with these two girls. They are rather lively and fun, both having very strong personalities. Naturally, I sort of fall in the background, as I used to do with Andrea and Emily at school. But I appreciate being in the background. I think that's my introvert talking. Anyway, I am looking forward to getting to know them better and them getting to know me.

   Tomorrow starts another week of classes. After the roller coaster that this past week turned out to be, I'm interested to see how this one fares. I'm still praying for boldness and confidence: boldness to speak out the Name, and confidence in who Christ is, and in who I am in Him. I'm also praying that He will give me love for the students around me, and that they would feel loved. Shine through me, oh precious Lord! I am amazed and humbled by those who are praying for me. I know that I am being covered and protected by a blanket of prayers. When I was in Nepal, Bedu told me that I am a warrior. He said that I will go out and do great things for the Kingdom, and I will have an army behind me, praying on into battle. I don't by any means see myself as a warrior, but I do see the Warrior who lives inside of me; the Warrior who leads me into battle. And now that I'm out in the world, I feel the army of prayer warriors behind me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for you prayers!
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the Gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. 
Phil. 1:3-6


Peace!

-B

Day #6: Photo of the day!

Chillin' at the cafe, Happy Days.

Day #4: Let it Rain

   So now that I have been to all of my classes, I can determine how I think the semester will go. Yesterday's classes were pretty chill. I had my French Honors seminar at 12:30pm, then Contemporary French Civ. at 3:30pm. In the two hours between classes, I decided to get a small something to eat (baguette, of course!) and explore a little. Actually, that's totally false, I was going to head back to the school, but somehow got turned around and ended up wandering around a full hour before I found it again. This made for the second time I got myself lost yesterday, after having difficulty finding the school for my 12:30 class. I'm sure I was a sight to see, walking around in circles around the city with my very American,  very heavy backpack, and a foot and half of bread in my hands. I may have laughed at myself a little. Anyway, when I got back to my hosthome, I felt rather confident about my classes, deeming that they seemed easy and this semester would be a breeze in the academic area. Well, that was only one of my classes and my seminar. Today, I returned home with a much different perspective. I had three afternoon classes right in a row, and fought against sleep for the first two. I had a rather abrupt reality check that my French hasn't improved that much since I've been here, for it was incredibly difficult to understand the professors for my French media and Translation classes. I started having flashbacks from the French literature class I took at Berry last semester when everyone in the class seemed to understand what was going on, everyone except me, that is. My French Media class started out on a good foot when I thought I was in Translation for the first ten minutes of class... yeah... embarrassing moment of the day.

   Let's just face it, today wasn't the best day I've had since I've been here. Dangit! And I thought it would be all sunshine and daisies. On top of my disastrous academic day, and me being so tired, I also failed at speaking French to anyone. My hostfamily might think I'm a little retarded. I want to speak to them, I really do! I want to find out about their lives, hear their stories, get to know their hearts, but I just can't. I already struggle asking questions and getting to know people in English, so I'm completely lost in French. Ah! If only I could skip the learning process and be a genius that just knows how to do things like speak other languages and play the guitar. Life would be to good! But no, I suppose God thinks it better for me to be normal and learn things at a slight slower more difficult pace than the genius people. Bummer. If I can actually make it out of my shell and stay out, then hopefully I will actually be close to fluency by the time I come home in December.

   I'm so sorry this entry has been mostly made up of my complaining and venting. For what, really, do I have to complain about? I am blessed beyond belief and comprehension. Not only has my Lord blessed me with the opportunity to come here, to Aix-en-Provence, France, to study and learn French, but He has also chosen to use me as an instrument for His Kingdom in the lives of the people who surround me. Last night, I spent 2 hours sitting at a cafe with Clio, talking about God and differing beliefs. I was able to share my faith with her, and all that I believe. I've been praying that I would have to chance to explain to her that I don't no practice a religion, or follow the Bible as a book of rules. I am a follower of Christ, not a "Christian." I have an intimate relationship with the Almighty Creator and God of this universe, not a religion. I have been praying, pleading with God for boldness in the face of confrontation and the possibility of disagreeing with someone or them disagreeing with me. Then, last night we debated, discussed, pondered, and shared. It was incredible. She asked me hard questions, and I, her. But God is so good and gave me the words to say. I pray with all my heart that a seed was planted and that she hasn't been able to stop thinking about the things we talked about. I expect and hope for more conversations of the like. 


   I continue to pray for boldness, strength and understanding. I am lonely, today, so lonely. All I want is to connect with home somehow. But God is good... He is all I need. He is my peace and joy; my friend and my love... He's here with me when everyone else is an ocean away. These things I must grasp onto and trust in even when I feel alone. So here I am, trying to rest in Him...


Peace and love!


-B

Day #2: Orientation

   Another day in the city of Aix. Now, when I write, I often find myself fighting the urge to write certain things in French. As a result of my near full immersion in the language, I believe I'm on the slippery slope of thinking in French from time to time. But, I do believe that is a good sign, yeah?  Yesterday evening, my housemate (Clio) and I embarked on the journey to the institute for the open house. Surprisingly, we made it with only one wrong turn, though we surrendered to consult our map on numerous occasions. At the open house, we were able to meet the other students and some of the faculty. Though I am usually a fairly out-going person, in situations such as these, I am extremely awkward. When we arrived, everyone had already formed their own groups and cliques. Fortunately, two girls approached us and introduced themselves as Andy and the other whose name I can't remember. Eventually, a few other girls joined our circle and we all exchanged the routine get-to-know-you questions such as, "Where are you from?", "What school do you go to?", "What's your major?" etc., etc. After the open house, Clio, Andy, Mackenzie, and I all went out for coffee (a highlight of my day, of course) and then headed our separate directions. Clio and I had the privilege of trying out octopus for dinner with our family. Surprisingly, it was absolutely delicious! It was cooked, cut, and served in a sort of red sauce over rice. Very tasty.

   Each dinner, though it is indeed one of the most intimidating parts of the day, has left me with anticipation and excitement for the next. Partly because I am enjoying the new foods I get to try, and also because every main course is followed by a salad and then (the best part) cheese and bread. I can't even describe to you how much bread I've eaten already! Another reason why I look forward to the evening meal, is because afterwards, when everyone is finished eating, we all sit and talk for at least an hour, and occasionally Jean-Paul and Marion will puff on a cigarette (which, to me, adds to the whole scene). I don't say a whole lot, but I get to listen. I think I am becoming very good at listening. Last night we all discussed adolescence and the behavioral similarities between French teens and American teens. I'm convinced a teenager is a teenager, no matter where he/she lives. Tonight we talked about movies, mostly. Then, after dinner, we sat down and watched a classic French film over hot tea.

   Today we had orientation at the institute. Much live every other kind of college orientation, we sat through informational session after informational session. I was able to get to know some of the girls a little bit more. I have yet to find a sister in Christ. Everyone I have talked to are not interested the least bit in God. They live for their pleasures, passions, feelings, etc. As I observe and listen, I'm taken aback by the depth of the self-centeredness. Everyone, I repeat everyone, is out for his/her best interest. They hardly see the people they are surrounded with. But as I sit and ponder their gods and their egocentrically driven lives, I hear a soft whisper in the ear of my inner spirit and a tug of conviction on my heart. Really, my love? Really? He says to me. And then I realize: who am I to judge them? Am I not just as self-centered and consumed with everything Brenna? What's even worse, I know the wretchedness of my own heart and the grace of my Lord, yet I continue to regard myself as better than others. I have no room to boast, no room to brag, except in my Jesus. That's so cliche, I realize, but it's true nonetheless. I hope and pray that this semester abroad will be the final end to my pride.

   So with classes starting tomorrow, I continue to seek wisdom, praying for boldness and strength to speak out the Name of Jesus. I pray that I will no longer cower down in the face of disagreement and confrontation, and that I will confidently face the darkness in which I am surrounded.
   In Christ alone, my hope is found. He is my Light, my Strength, my Song. This Cornerstone, this Solid Ground, firm through the fiercest droughts and storms. What heights of love, what depths of peace, when fear are stilled and strivings cease. My Comforter, my All in All, here in the love of Christ I stand...


   Peace out, cub-scout!

-B

Day #1

For a first day, today wasn't half bad. My French is suuper rusty, just as I feared. Prior to coming here, I was trying to be optimistic by allowing myself to believe that I would be able to jump right in and speak French to everyone. Yeah, that didn't exactly happen. My housemate, Cleo, who is not a French major I might add, is better the language than I am and speaks to our host family more. But I'll get there, I'm sure. I'm determined to learn as much and experience as much as I can of the culture and language. My host family is really nice. They are so interesting. Each seems to have an opinion about every topic, whether that be the type of cheese they prefer, the city they live in, or religion. From what I have heard, they are, for the most part, agnostic, as is my housemate. It's odd leaving my tight knit community of radical Believers to coming here where no one really cares at all. Sometimes I find I have nothing to say that they would be interested in or could relate to because nearly every aspect of my person is drenched in love for Christ. I never realized I was like that until now, I guess. But there is a reason, a specific reason why THESE are the people I am surrounded by for the next 4 months. I pray for strength and boldness. I feel a little lonely, but not alone. I trust and believe that I'm not alone. This semester will be an adventure on a much deeper level than simply being an ocean away from home. I'm excited to see how my Lord uses me, changes me, and draws me close to Him. It's me and Him time. :]

-B