"It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of his presence."
-C.S. Lewis
Tonight, after an adventurous day to Apple Hill Orchards, Megan, Leana and I watched the movie Away We Go which is a film about an expecting couple who are looking to relocate. Bert and Verona travel to various cities to visit different friends and family members, and to find the place to build their family. Though it is a comedy, Away We Go really shows the crap, the pain and grief that each person has in his or her life. After the movie, I was on Facebook, and for perhaps the first time I realized how much pain is posted on the endless feed of statuses and profile activity. I think my eyes were actually opened, connecting my heart to the silent knowledge I have in my head: people are broken.
And my heart breaks for this broken world. I think about my kids - each one of those precious smiling faces - and I think about the crap they will have to deal with in the coming years. I think about the baggage they are already carrying that has been shoved on them by bullies, parents, family members, loss, death, illness, etc. There is nothing I can do to protect them from the negative, destructive messages poured out onto their hearts by other people. I think about all the ways I have failed to love them and show Christ's love to them. Over the past couple of weeks, my job has just been my job. The honeymoon stage of missionary life has diminished into routine. Every-day life. Where is the passion? Where is the love? Where is the desire to do none else but serve? Where is my heart? I wonder how many minutes, how many days, I have wasted already.
I praise the Lord for His total, unfailing grace. Though I continuously get distracted and care about other things more than I do about getting to know Him (just like my kinders!), He never stops pursuing, never gets frustrated or impatient, never stops loving. How can I do anything else with my day than to pass that love and grace on to those who are in need of it?
So I am praying for the strength to be disciplined in all areas of my life, especially in the time I spend with Abba. That I will seek after nothing but a deeper, more intimate relationship with Jesus. That every moment of my life will be intentional in meeting people where they are at, and loving them for who they are, and not who they could be. I pray that I will have the strength and patience to love each one of my kids with the love of my Lord Jesus. That they will know with all of their hearts that they are dearly loved and cherished, not only by me, bu by their Maker, the God of the universe, their Father. I pray that though they are young, they know in their heads and hearts that Abba is with them and will never leave them. I pray for their protection. I pray for their souls.
Some of my babies
Sweet boys
The team and Pastor Dan (aka PD)
